The questions that arise to my mind are: why am I alive? What is my purpose? What is the purpose of a father/mother to a child relationship? Why do I ask these questions? Why do I feel the need to become as strong as God? Am I evil for this? Why do I even have such thoughts? Am I forgiven? Will I be forgiven? Does God exists? Is this a spirituals awakening or death? Who is God? Why does God let these things happen? How can I stop thinking about these things to my core? What answer am I looking for? Will I make it out of this? Why? It’s not that I want to be more than God, but why don;t I get to be the father like him, why is he the father and I am the child? What is the point of such father to child relationship? Am I too far gone? Am I psychotic? What is up with me?
What is it? Do I have it? How do I get rid of it? I feel like I am fighting a battle that is too hard to win. What is happening. Why do I feel pride against God? I feel so lost. I need hope. I need help from above. I am more convinced every day that this is a spiritual battle. I just don’t know exactly how to fight it. I meed help from above. I need that help now! I can’t keep fighting like this. I feel like I am fighting myself. Am I? I need help from above.