June 13 2017

Today I went to an Internal medicine doctor with my priest. My priest is awesome, love the man! Anyways, the doctor prescribed a mood stabilizer medication and Clonazepame, only 5 tablets for 30 days, just in case of a freak out emergency. Little does the doctor know, I freak out almost everyday. My symptoms seem to get worst everyday and I don’t know how much longer I can live like this. It’s dreadful and tragic. I am beginning to have Harm OCD symptoms. If you don’t know what that is, try looking it up. It’s dreadful, and I am having these thoughts towards loved one’s, for example my mom. I don’t know what is happening to me. I need more help now, seriously. I am probably one of the most depressed human beings in the planet, seriously. I cried with my mom today. I tell her everything, so I told her about the OCD thoughts, and she continues to support me. I don’t understand why her love towards me is so great. She wants to get better so bad. So does my priest. I just feel so lost I can’t help my thoughts and justifications for them. I wish I had a time machine to go back in time, and never have been through what I am going through now. I really don’t know how much longer I can live like this. I really don’t.

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