June 12 2017 | Slipping

June 12 2017 | Slipping

What can I say, life is insane. I don’t understand much anymore. I am almost like a zombie. It’s crazy to say that I was super motivated and super loving just a few months back. 2 months of mental health issues have completely flipped my life upside down. I’ve thought so many things, I’m not sure how the future will be, or if I even have one. I am truly sorry to my cousin when 3 years ago he was having suicidal thoughts and I told him, “Suicide is for the weak minded. It’s an easy way out.”. I completely repent of letting those words slip out my mouth because now I am experiencing a true mental health crisis. I wish I could just be normal and have never thought of the thoughts which I’ve thought about (Lots of thoughts in there). I just have a tiny beam of hope left in me, I hope it’s enough to get me through this life. I don’t understand. See the issue is I have lately even had violent intrusive thoughts. I wish I had never thought about them, but just the action of having experienced these thoughts has changed my life. I don’t know anything about what the future holds for me, I just hope that hope, is in there.

 

slipping away

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